Thursday, February 08, 2007

Waiting to blog

I haven't wanted to blog lately because I've wanted my informal blog to have the structure of a published work. I make things too hard on myself for no reason. A blog should be free and obey the mood of the day. Maybe later, I can put my thoughts into some magnum opus... but not today... just not for today.

My head has been swimming with ideas about the true and rightful place of thinking in taming the addicted reptilian brain. I've been wanting to figure out how to get AA to throw open its doors to other addicts, offering them full membership. I've been thinking about the neural location of the Higher Power in the brain's right hemisphere and the physiology of communication, evangelism, and prayer. I've been thinking about issues outside of AA's purview, and what the goddammed Washingtonians have to do with anything. Was Bill Wilson really doing history or sociology? Or was his political conservatism (perhaps even cowardice) grasping for a reason to keep AA from having an opinion on segregation, women's rights, and governmental invasion into our most private actsincluding the act of what substances we decide to take into our own bodies.

Perhaps you can tell that I'm feeling restless and a bit hamstrung within the current ambience of my local AA groups, but like the blog, I'm putting rules on myself that I don't have to follow. I'm going to continue doing whatever I need to do to stay clean. I will continue to give the best advice that my right brain (a.k.a., Higher Power) has to offer. I will not let myself be silenced. I will protect newcomers from oldtiming bullies. And I will not expect AA or the people in AA to be perfectly in sync with my vagary moods and opinions.

As long as I can be of some help to somebody who doesn't know how to manage without chemicalsas long as I can listen and share my storyI believe I can continue to stay clean and improve my life year by year. When I stop being useful, I can always change. And when AA ceases being helpful, then AA will cease, or hopefully, become ready to begin again.

As Dr Bob noted about the eventual disintegration or transformation of AA, this thing will continue...

For as long as God needs us.


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