Sobriety without Big Book or Higher Power

I've struggled with AA since 1992. The talk of spirituality, God, Steps, and cultish devotion to the founding text raised the hackles of my sophisticated skepticism. For years, I suffered at AA meetings, thinking I was doing something wrong. I listened to brainbashing know-nothings and felt out of place. After years of this and an abusive alcoholic girlfriend, I found Al-Anon Family Groups, and I found that the difficulties I was having might not be my fault. Finally, I came through to a rational and human sobriety that involves no white knuckling.

I am tired of referring to myself negatively as an atheist. People who believe in God have the burden of proof on the question of God's existence. Those that don't believe in Santa Claus aren't called to answer for their lack of belief. My view is positive. I believe and trust in rational thought and human power to unravel fallacies and free up misused resources. I am a humanist and a rationalist. I believe in the healing power of rational thought, and I believe in pursuing and defending the values of cultured humanity.

My sobriety now (and at all times past) has come from my human understanding of my situation and does not involve a Higher Power. For many years, I played along with the people in AA and allowed myself to refer to Reality as my Higher Power (patently true but psychologically useless). I also let people convince me to refer to the "Group" as a Higher Power (dangerously close to cultism). All this talk about Higher Power always puts me in danger of pretending that I believe it's okay to believe in absurdities. But we believe in absurdities at the peril of wasting our lives and chances to do good (at the minimum) and culture war at the worst. Since there is no way to convince another person about your pet absurdity, you can either do it gently through repetition, advertisements, and hypnotism, or through violence. I do not want to be a part in overcoming another person's rational choice, therefore I will no longer use the term "Higher Power." I will also avoid the word "spiritual."

Let me stand up decidedly and state that the Group is NOT my Higher Power; I have no Higher Power. The Group has been helpful and harmful to my sobriety. I have learned to avoid certain members and fellowships out of wise concern for my serenity. Oftentimes, the Group is flat out wrong. When that happens, I don't feel that I must remain quiet or comply with rules I find morally repugnant. My own conscience, after seeking counsel from my peers, is the final word as far as I'm concerned.

I understand the attraction to believe in a Grandparent who oversees the world. We evolved in primate tribes that passed on the wisdom of forbears to their offspring. Part of our primate mind evolved to store the old wisdom of our ancestors. This part of our brain is accessible to us when we enter a psychological posture of a child and relax to listen to the distilled knowledge of our culture. Sometimes, this wisdom is very good - sometimes it is insane. But because this part of our brain received the wisdom of our beloved elders - the wisdom transmitted is always authoritative. It is important that we put correct information into this part of our brain, because the wisdom we receive from our God-brain is only as good as the knowledge and experience we put into our human-brain.