AA, Stay Out Of My Bathing Suit Areas!

There is a tradition in many AA groups of passing around phone lists which are given to the newcomer so they can call for support when they feel shaky or squirrelly. However, most groups only allow women to put their contact info on phone lists for women, and men are only allowed to put their info on lists for men. Again, this is a leftover from AA's origins from the "Primitive Christianity" movement of the early 20th century. The point is that AA – like every other witch's brew of superstition and irrational authority – wants to regulate functions as personal as a person's sexuality. Some argument can be made for avoiding highly emotional situations early in recovery, but again, this is the choice of the person seeking help.

I think the tradition of giving newcomer's phone lists is a good one overall, however, I think that each individual, regardless of their sexual orientation, should decide whether they want to give another person their contact info. This is the practice we follow at Briggsmore Beach – phone lists with both men and women's numbers are regularly updated and given to persons attending our group for the first time. To date, I have heard of no problems with this system. In fact, it helps us "recovered" folks more than it has the newcomers.

It's true that we must caution newly sober people who want to help from giving their contact info to people who might pose a danger. But again, that is a decision between the parties.

Another problem with this tradition is that it assumes heterosexuality. Gay men and women's sexuality is overlooked or ignored. A gay man or woman might just as well abuse the privilege of calling us for help as a straight person, but this is overlooked. Again, pass the list and let each person decide if they want to offer their number to the newcomer.